lost

i’m going to be 27 years old in 20 days and i’m lost. i’ve been lost for quite some time now.
but i’m not as lost as i used to be.

i’ve gone through a few transformations, all in the last few years, that have taught me a whole bunch.

“like what?” you ask?

minimalism – at one point, i was able to fit everything i owned into a backpack. i learned that i love the freedom of not having a whole bunch of stuff. i learned that it was awesome to be free of the compulsion to collect things, to buy things… to knick knack and/or brick-a-brack.

i’ve helped a couple friends apply the principle of minimalism to their lives in order to unclutter and make room for experiences. which has been awesome. some fought it, some embraced it with open arms. all of them asked for it and in the end, were grateful.

i’m currently learning that some stuff is ok, but that less is definitely more.

unconditional love – this has been hugely instrumental in learning to overcome my issue with codependency. i have an addiction to people. and an addiction to being liked and accepted. and so, i’ve let many different types of people have more influence over my life than they should have. and in doing so, i’ve brought myself into yukky situations. damn.

i’ve learned that i can love and accept a person for who they are but i don’t necessarily need to accept their action, opinion, or even continue socializing with them. i can love them from a distance. in the last 3 years i’ve overcome addicts, alcoholics, emotional abusers, family, and friends. that’s a lot.

i would like to learn to consciously develop healthy relationships. i would also like to learn that a disagreement or a fight does not equal the end of a relationship. and i would like to learn to love myself.

normal is ok – in the past year, i’ve been learning that a little bit of normal never hurt anybody. i’m still my kitschy and eclectic self but i’m learning that normal is there for a reason. we are pack animals, after all. the drive to receive acceptance is present in us all, even me. and let’s face it; living on the fringe of normal is exhausting!

i’m learning that it’s ok to be a girl. because i lost my mom at a young age, i’ve identified with men for most of my life. so this is a biggie. i’m learning that chivalry is great and that feminism has created a generation of women who are basically wanting to be men (for more thoughts on this topic, just ask me). tradition can be wonderful in moderation :)

basically i’ve been creating room in my life for something to happen.

with all this learnin’ goin’ on, you’d think i’d be super happy. but for some reason, i’m not. i’m in between passions and i’m apathetic about my life. i’m anxiety ridden and i’ve alienated myself from nearly my entire friend/family pool. i’ve entered the void. and i plan to fix it…

~princess sarah